When Michelle Carroll, Galveston, Texas, gave birth to her son, RJ, she initially didn’t want him to suck his thumb or use a pacifier. “I wanted to be the perfect mother and soothe him myself when he cried,” says Carroll. But one day, when RJ was inconsolable, Carroll tried everything--changing, rocking, feeding, singing. Nothing worked. Finally her husband went out and bought a pacifier. They popped it into RJ’s mouth and he calmed down immediately. “The room got so quiet!” Carroll says. “After that, I figured it was better to use a pacifier than to let him scream for hours.”

Among the many myths swirling around parenthood these days, one of the most stubborn is: Good parents do not have children who suck their thumbs or pacifiers. The image it conjures up is of a poor neglected child, sitting in a corner, sucking for dear life, because Mom and Dad are too preoccupied or lazy to comfort him themselves. But nothing is further from the truth, say the experts.

“Sucking is perfectly normal, wonderful reflex; fetuses do it in utero. It’s probably a reflex that’s built in to teach us how to eat. It also provides comfort, lowers the heart rate and helps the brain to focus,” asserts Paula Elbirt, M.D., pediatrician and author of Dr. Paula’s House Calls to Your Newborn: Birth Through Six Months (Fisher Books, 2000). “Society associates sucking with immaturity and lack of intelligence. But neither of those is true.”

Nevertheless, many parents get concerned that their child will become dependent on the habit and keep sucking into old age. Many mothers tell of toddlers who have a pacifier or thumb in their mouth at all times, or won’t go to sleep without a pacifier (plus two or three in reserve.) “The older my daughter got, the more addicted to her pacifier she became,” says Lisa Bledsoe of Auburndale, Florida, mother of 2-year-old Braelyn. “If we left the house without it, I knew I was going back for it.”

But here are some reassuring statistics: Fifty percent of all babies stop sucking by the time they are a year old; 80 percent stop by the age of four. The only real concern parents may have is that prolonged sucking can affect tooth development, but for the most part, even that worry has been overstated. “Although a child who sucks after age five is more likely to need braces, that’s not an absolute,” says Mary Hayes, D.D.S., spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry. “There are many children who suck who will not need braces and many children do not suck who will. Part of it is genetics.”

Some children, however, do use their thumb or pacifier in such a way that it influences the way their jaws and teeth develop. They will suck with their fingers crosswise in their mouth so the fingers are pushing the jaw out of line, or insist on putting the pacifier in upside down, so that it is not following the shape of the mouth as it was designed. “I recommend that all children have their first dental screening by the age of one,” says Dr. Hayes. “If your child sucks a lot, make sure your dentist knows this so he can check to see if it’s becoming a problem.”

Now the only thing left to consider now is thumb or pacifier--is one better than the other? The experts say it really doesn’t make much of a difference. But parents tend to have stronger opinions. Catherine Wittlinger of Ridgewood, New Jersey, points out, “It’s easier to wean babies off a pacifier because you can get rid of it. You can’t get rid of a thumb!” Some parents also can’t stand the way a baby looks with his finger in his mouth; others think thumbs are more “natural.” Heidi Eckstein of Croton, New York, mother of Nicholas, 2, says, “I think pacifiers look silly on older children.”

Bonnie Taylor, of Aiea, Hawaii, whose 5-year-old daughter, Annabelle, still occasionally sucks her fingers when she’s stressed or tired, also prefers thumbs, “They’re are handier. You can’t lose a thumb in the crib, and they don’t fall on the floor and have to be cleaned every time.”

Bye, Bye Binky

Okay, sucking a thumb or pacifier isn’t the worst thing in the world. But though you shouldn’t deter baby from starting, at some point you’ll want him to stop. Wait until your child is at least 6 months old; before that sucking is a necessary reflex. “Surveys show that children who are actively torn away from sucking are more likely to be nail biters when they reach school age,” says Dr. Elbirt. “We aren’t sure why but it could be that it’s another way kids find to comfort themselves.”

At the same time, be careful that you don’t encourage sucking beyond the time that the child actually needs it. Around the age of 6 months, babies learn to chew and use their tongue. That’s the time they often start spitting out their pacifiers. Many parents will pop one back in, just out of habit, not realizing that the baby isn’t asking for it. “Follow your baby’s lead,” says Dr. Hayes. “Don’t reintroduce the pacifier if baby doesn’t want it because then it’s harder to break the habit later.”

Some parents decide to wean their child off sucking around age 2, at the same time that he’s shedding other baby trappings, such as diapers. Weaning a child this age takes a little strategizing since your toddler doesn’t yet have a sophisticated grasp of language with which to negotiate. But don’t just take away the pacifier or demand that your child stop sucking his thumb without some kind of preparation.

Start by playing into young kids’ wonderful imaginations. “Both my sons were madly in love with their binkys. When the boys were 21 months and 39 months, I ended up having the ‘binky fairy’ come take them away and leave presents in their place,” says Joanna Berkowitz, Mamaroneck, New York.

Sandy Williams of Owego, new York, has her 2-year-old daughter Aleah give her pacifier to Saint Nick. “She knew about Santa and leaving him milk and cookies,” says Williams. “I explained that we also had to leave the binky for Santa, and that he would leave presents under the tree in return.”

You can try weaning baby gradually by restricting when and where she can use her pacifier or thumb. For example, limit sucking only to naptime or bedtime. “When my son was three, he wanted to stop because he was going to go to school,” says Dena Faaborg of Fort Worth, Texas. “We made a deal. He loved to sit on my lap, so we decided he could only sit there if he didn’t suck his thumb. He would hold my hand instead which made it a fairly easy transition,”.

Weaning older kids is harder because after age 2 or 3, sucking becomes an ingrained habit, and your child may not even realize he’s doing it. Jocelyn Schauer, MD, a pediatrician at the University of Virginia Health System’s Children’s Medical Center, encourages parents to use gentle, nonhumiliating reminders. “Think of a special, secret password that you can use to remind your child when he starts sucking in public. Then no one but the two of you will be the wiser,” she says.

Rewarding your child for breaking the habit also works well. Jill Kern of Tampa Florida, reports that her oldest daughter sucked her thumb until she was 5. “I told her that when she stopped sucking, she could have a special ‘big girl’ Barbie doll. I didn’t mention it again. Six weeks later, without any nagging from me, she stopped and we got her the Barbie,” says Kern. Alternately, pick an event, such as a birthday, that will be the day to give thumb sucking or the pacifier or try giving your child a stuffed animal that she can carry around as a replacement. While you’re weaning your child, be sure to offer a lot of verbal encouragement or TLC.

Often, once an older thumb sucker starts school, peer pressure will discourage him from sucking. In extreme cases, your dentist can fit your child with a dental appliance which doesn’t hurt but prevents the child from getting her thumb up on her palate.

But until that time for baby to give up his sucker, be proud that your child is able to soothe himself. As Catherine Wittlinger says, “If your kids can settle down without any sucking, that’s great. My kids wouldn’t. They needed to suck on something and that’s fine. There is nothing wrong with giving babies what they need.”

PACIFIER PRECAUTIONS

If you prefer pacifiers, experts recommend these guidelines:

When buying a pacifier...

*Choose a one-piece model that can’t break apart.

*Make sure the shield is made of firm plastic with airholes, and is at least

1 1/2 inches across so baby cannot put the entire pacifier in his mouth.

*Check the packaging to make sure the pacifier is age-appropriate for your baby.

*Check that it’s dishwasher-safe or can be placed in boiling water.

When using a pacifier...

*Never tie one to your child (or the crib) or hang one around baby’s neck -- your child can easily strangle on the strong or cord.

*Check the pacifier often to make sure it’s not deteriorating; a piece of an old pacifier could break off and choke baby.

*Never use the nipple from a bottle as a pacifier. It can pop out of the base and choke baby. And don’t make your own pacifier or cut a piece off a bought one (some moms do this to try to wean baby off the pacifier), because you run the risk of aspiration.

*Don’t put honey or sugar on a pacifier to sweeten it. Honey can cause botulism in children under 1, and other sweet substances can cause tooth decay.

American Baby, February 2001